Belonging Isn’t Just a Marketing Strategy at Dawson

During a presentation at the 2022 People of Color Conference (POCC), author Charles Vogl shared a powerful story about the dinner parties he hosted while in graduate school at Yale. In response to a strong sense of loneliness, as he also wrote in the international bestseller The Art of Community, he and his wife opened up their home to serve a multicourse dinner for anyone who showed up on Friday nights. They would eventually serve more than 500 people, and it grew so big they created a team of volunteers to lead and sponsor the weekly meals. More importantly, these dinners also led to deep connections and some of his dearest friendships.

This resonated with me so deeply because I recalled the time when I moved back to my hometown as an adult, longing for friendships in a new season. I loved to cook and bake and had a beautiful dining table that easily sat 10-12 people. Recognizing I had the tools for a basic gathering, I sent invitations to a few acquaintances for brunch. Not only did they show up, but they opened up. I heard their voices in new ways in this intimate setting. They showed up month after month for several years, often bringing new friends to our brunch, until the pandemic took away every version of gathering. Those friends, though, we’re still connected and we continue to support one another in our different phases of life. 

While both examples of forming a space for connection happened over a meal, what I know on this side of a pandemic that increased our need for connection drastically is that we need more time at the metaphoric and literal tables. At POCC, I leaned in to listen closely as Vogl spoke about the Campfire Principle and reflected on the gatherings we host at Dawson.

The thing is, every school refers to itself as a community. It’s embedded into our vernacular as educators – especially for those of us in marketing and communications. Some go as far as using the word family to describe themselves, suggesting a sense of relational closeness among members. While these words will easily attract prospective families and promote our school, have we thought about whether they truly describe the experience of our students, their families, and our employees?

Data from the Challenge Success-Stanford Survey of Adolescent School Experiences administered to our Middle Schoolers in November 2022 suggests that not every person in our school feels a sense of belonging or connection:

At Dawson, we are constantly responsive to the modern learning needs of our students. And as a school that has Belonging literally headlining its Core Values, our leaders are dedicated to ensuring that it is not just a marketing buzzword. The success and wellbeing of our community depends on it. 

Even before we all experienced the serious downshift in social interactions when we went into lockdown in March 2020 with all in-person events stripped from our calendars, the U.S. surgeon general announced the issue of isolation in “Work and the Loneliness Epidemic” (Harvard Business Review). 

Then, in May 2023, the surgeon general released a new groundbreaking report describing the negative health impacts of loneliness, bringing the healing effect of social connection to the forefront of the national policy (WATCH the USSG’s Advisory). In short, social connection is as essential to our health as food, water, and shelter, and it is the cure for loneliness. Further, it can improve stress responses and minimize the negative health effects of stress. People with strong perceptions of community belongingness are 2.6 times more likely to report good to excellent health, and children who enjoy positive relationships experience improved academic outcomes. More key takeaways from the advisory.

Adults at Dawson are aware of the change in students’ social energy, anxiety, and attention spans as lasting impacts of the pandemic in this digital age. The surgeon general’s advisory confirms that we were all affected by the sudden loss of connection and how it accelerated the decline in social networks. 

Schools play a key role in facilitating or hindering social connection among youth. One of the report’s suggestions for how schools can increase social connection is to create a supportive school environment that fosters belonging. How do we do that in a way that truly shifts the experience of our students so each one feels this vital sense of belonging?

In spring 2023, our school leaders began referring to the Campfire Principle when speaking about opportunities to gather for parent book clubs, affinity groups, and the annual Field Day Picnic. 

By Vogl’s definition, the campfire principle is about providing a venue for relationships to form. In conversation with Head of School Roxanne Stansbury and Assistant Head of School Andrew Bishop, Vogl said belonging happens in a context in which people feel safe enough that they leave the experience believing

When we offer the time to connect in an intimate space and offer permission and conditions for private conversations, people can form deeper relationships and feel seen. This is where community relationships begin.

As we enter the work of examining what the pathways to belonging may look like at Dawson, we have to acknowledge what we don’t want to become. Vogl uses the term mirage community, which only looks like a community from far away. Rather than relying on visually appealing images to show who we are as a school or to illustrate the rewards of community, we’re digging deep to explore: What spaces does our community need? How do we create these spaces? And how do we facilitate real connections for our students, parents, and caregivers at those events?

In order to do this well, we cannot simply put the label campfire on an event or spell out for Dawson families that they are invited to a campfire experience. Rather, we have to thoughtfully plan the welcoming spaces where connections can happen. 

As we consider the purpose and design of our events, we look for ways to step up in terms of hospitality and furthering connections for our students and families. A few examples illustrate that we are constantly evolving to meet the vital needs of our constituents.

As a Challenge Success partner school that values student voice, we are intentional about empowering our youth to name the pathways to belonging that will benefit them. For example, students advocate for themselves to create spaces with peers who share an identity through student voice groups. It’s where they can gather to hold space for one another and be themselves on a deeper level. They can exhale and feel the sense of relief that comes from true acceptance. Much like the long-lasting impact of those dinner parties and monthly brunches, we cannot underestimate the value of carving out time during the school day for students to connect.

Further, teachers support student connections in their daily morning meetings and when they facilitate collaboration and group work. Non-teaching staff are mentors and leaders in insights classes, voice groups, clubs, athletics teams, and enrichment classes. New Dawson families are welcomed through a series of events beginning in May and continuing into the first few weeks of the school year. And campus leaders plan trainings and workshops that meet the needs of our professionals. Beyond the workday, book clubs and affinity groups are offered for all employees to make the connections they desire.

It’s important that we model these efforts to build community for our youth. As I read the report on social connection, I felt an urgency to get back to my own work of gathering. My monthly brunches ended abruptly three years ago, and I still feel that loss deeply. The inspiration I turn to in my personal life also applies to this important work I’m doing with my colleagues, and I think all of our families can find value in the same way in their personal journeys.

In the book Unreasonable Hospitality, restauranteur Will Guidara shared how his team at Eleven Madison Park facilitated extremely thoughtful, personalized experiences to give both the employees and the customers a genuine sense of belonging. In it, he writes about a time when he first became a waiter and wanted to learn from the highest performers around him. Counterintuitively, he found that the group that appeared to be the best because they turned tables quickly and efficiently garnered fewer tips than the group that served fewer tables. Upon observation, he realized the team that served fewer people was making better connections. They were focused on the present and paid attention to their guests, who proved their success by tipping more. Human connection transcended the service. 

So what does success look like at Dawson? We can create the campfire experiences we desire when we practice unreasonable hospitality, foster deeper relationships, and plan intentional events. As Charles Vogl said on the Dawson podcast, one connection can be life-changing. If community is built one relationship at a time, we will know we’re making progress when our students, families, and employees know they are valued and celebrated, and ultimately, that they belong. More than ever, we’re ready to build these vital campfire opportunities together to advance social connection and improve the lasting health and well-being of our community. 

By Shea Phillips

Marketing & Digital Content Manager

Other suggested reading that can be applied to how we gather in personal and professional settings: